My future husband

  My future husband

He must be cunning!

He must be funny!

He must be willing to give me anything, including a bunny!

He must be the politest gentleman I've ever seen!

But there's one thing that's non-negotiable  

He must never eat beans 

no matter how much he yearns 

For the aftermath will leave us both in concern.

He must be the first one to apologize when we get into a fight!

( In case he’s reading this, I must warn you, I do bite.)

He must be exactly 6 foot 2 and 7 centimeters!

And god forbid he’s friends with anyone named Peter.

If his name is Mike

Him I shall fight

If his name Jack

Him I lack.

I want a future husband who will only look at me

And maybe his mom and dad  

But only if his dad is named Chad.

My future husband must not EVER bring up my pickiness

Or I another guy I will kiss.

He must have 3-inch long hair

And me, he will most care.

He must have a cute British accent

Or I will shove him in a funeral casket

He must shower me with jewelry made of real pearls.

Never mind, instead, I want a girl.

Im too shy!

 I’m too shy!

Whenever I see a person

I scream!

I just can’t understand how other people see a person and beam.

While I feel like I’m in a bad dream!

If someone spots me, I'll jump out of my skin with fright!

And after that, you’ll see me out of there on a flight!

One time I had to give a presentation

I was supposed to read it out loud with dedication

But I just ended up reading it like a still-loading robot!

The teacher even asked me if my lines, I forgot!

When I see a person, my heart skips a beat.

Not the kind of skipping you get when you see your crush,

But the type of skipping you get when your afraid so much!

When they say hello

I mutter under my breath “Oh no!”!

I have no social skills.

I don’t think I ever will.

If I ever speak in public,

I’ll faint!

Or maybe I’ll make it look like I’m bleeding with paint.

So I can go to the ER

And get away from the stage.

My parents say take a public speaking class so in my life there will be a new page

But I think I’d rather get locked in a cage!

I’m so shy.

Maybe some day I’ll be the life of a party, all day saying “ee!”

Heh, maybe in dream.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

 My friend Sheila sells sea shells by the seashore

She won’t leave even one penny behind

One time I asked her for a bracelet that she designed

And then she ran around with a handful of sand screaming “I’m going to get it in your eye!”

Sheila’s shells look the finest, she finds them by a secret seashore she says.

But the price she sells them for, you’d think she stays looking for these shells for days!

Makes so many deals with money does Sheila,

I think people ought to start calling her “Deal-a”!

But I just think she’s a steala’!

One day I saw her at the dollar store

And in her basket lay the shells that were on sale for sixty cents

And she sells the same for seventy dollars!

“Steala’’” Now they should call her!

Seventy dollars!

I could’ve bought a Nintendo game!

I will expose her on TikTok, and make her lose all that fame!

And she should at least return all the money that came.

She’s rotten to the core!

Sheila sells sham seashells by the seashore!

She's my friend, but is she?

 Her name is Jessica, she tells me she’s my friend, but is she?

She tells me she’ll be with me until the end, but she calls me a curse word starting with “B”.

Sometimes she’ll tell me to shut up or go away

But when I say that she’ll punch me without delay

She says it’s all fun and games

But am I nothing more than a minion that she tames?

“Get me water!” “Pay for my lunch!” she screams

For some reason, the rest of her minions beam. 

I always told myself I’d never beam if someone screams

But Jessica makes it otherwise

Whenever she screams “Get me water!”

I don’t seem to bother 

Will I just become a minion of hers?

A minion like in “Despicable Me”?

She tells me that I get too full of myself

That I think I’m “Despicable”

When I’m actually predictable. 

I don’t want to fall into her trap

But then again, she promised to give me her Taylor Swift cap.

So maybe, just until I get that cap

I’ll continue being her friend.

Even though she just uses me for laughs.